Author is not an alien

Author is not an alien
I write because we had deleted enough

Sunday, September 30, 2012

The great Indian tamasha called "ARRANGED MARRIAGE"

The whole procedure of finding a perfect match for the son/daughter who have attained the so called marriageable age is amusing.Suddenly sprung up a whole new species called"Shadiraam Gharjode" who drop by every Sunday ,suggest some "potential candidates "over heavy breakfast and two rounds of "Adrak waali Chai"  and make your parents guilty of the fact that their daughter is still not married and when this phase ends then starts the real torture-Matrimonial sites :profiles,calls asking "Ladki ka color fair to hoga na,jyada healthy to nahi,koi past wagairah ho to bate de"and ofcourse the compatibility acquires a different parameters; aajkal B.E.+MBA ki demand jyada hai technical match ban jata hai (Give me a break dude ,are you planning to discuss circuits all through your life) .When naadi,gotra,profession,dowry,family status are matched then they come down to taking the opinions of the future bride and groom 
Why does this institution of arranged marriage survive in India in this day and age? the India i am talking about is of educated middle class where the incidence of arranged marriages are not only high but also considered as a legitimate way of finding a mate The answer lies partly in the elasticity of this institutions and indeed most traditional customs that allows it to expand its definition to accommodate modernity so today's arranged marriages places individual's will at center and parents assume a role where their one hand is raised for blessing and other immersed in wallet
the arrangement in arranged is clearly a manufactured one sometimes taking some pseudo forms like a blind date,online meet ups, the reality swayamvar type shows all aim to let one meet a potential spouse Here the idea of love is not so gently manufactured by contriving a spark or overflow of hormones but rather a well planned robbery 
In the west the idea of marriage has a notion that starts when one proposes and the other can withhold it for an indefinite period of time So we have marriage as a mirage that shimmers frequently but materializes rarely but imagine the same ,when venues and the day of Roka has been fixed and even which car is to be given as a gift can a girl think over the proposal?
At a more fundamental level Marriage is only significant relationship that we enter by choice.....(hmm..or maybe we think so) we live in a sticky collective environment where individuality remains blurred when "A young saraswat ,handsome boy earning five figure salary"remains sufficient and of course the space for substitution always persists
In an era where future and security hold more promise than present arranged marriages continue to hold their charm .Whether choked int radition or cloaked with modernity this institution of arranged marriage needs some serious help because sustenance of a long term marriage brings along with it a personal growth

Wasn't marriage, like life, unstimulating and unprofitable and somewhat empty when too well ordered and protected and guarded? Wasn't it finer, more splendid, more nourishing, when it was, like life itself, a mixture of the sordid and magnificent; of mud and stars; of earth and flowers; of love and hate and laughter and tears and ugliness and beauty and hurt?"


30 comments:

  1. Pooja, came to your blog after a long, very long time indeed but your writing is getting better with time! (Before it was pretty good, now excellent!)

    About the topic, I even fail to understand why people spend everything that they have earned in their life on an marriage? I know its important but why not have it in a simple way: why make it a stunt show of wealth?

    Whatever you told about how these ppl ask 1000 things before moving ahead is possible, even though i have not come in that phase of life. Those who like these things, may god bless them & those who don't, may find their soulmates who are unlike these people!

    Nice post.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear Doctor,
    you have mentioned very correctly and I accept that by heart, you are childlike. You have picked a very good and burning issue but into the river of love, you flow with the current of emotions.
    By the way it is your blog and you are free to express you feelings but in my view (as you wish to know)you should keep in mind other side also.

    It does not mean that I support arrange marriage but one should keep it in mind about-

    1- Positive and negative aspects of both side.

    2- Why people from India look abroad if they think about love marriages, one can take examples from the customs of Indian Tribes.

    3- In India we had a custom called "SYAMVAR" & sometimes, before marriage woman used to invite men for discussion (SASTRARTH) but with the passage of time it has lost its relevance so we should also think about all those circumstances why it disappered and from where dovery system has evolved. In my opinion, Arrange marriages are related to dovery system also.

    4- One should also think about draw back of Arrange as well as Love marriages, like- most of the time it is said that love marriages are not sustainable in comparision with Arrange marriages; what steps should be taken to make it much better or what sud we do make Arranged marriages, like love one.

    5- I think Love marriage or Arrange marriage is not such a real problem; the problem is Dovery in Arrange Marriages and to some extent caste system also.

    6- We sud also think about sustainability of Marriages in the West and lives of children after the seperation of Parent.

    There ae many issues to be taken care of but it is a subject of debate and we could discuss it when will get time.

    In a nut shell, I appreciate your writing and would like to thank you to raise this issue because till then we dont fight, we dont gain and fighting with the sword of words could change the world.
    Once again thank you very much for this interesting writing. it is easy to criticize but difficult to create. Carry on and I hope it will give you the boost you needed. If you disagree in any point, I would love to discuss. Best wishes.


    With Warm Regards

    Diplomat, Nitin

    ReplyDelete
  3. To Diplomat Nitin Sir
    Thank you for stopping by and commenting on the blog (i know its not your cup of tea) and of course i completely agree with your points,i am a staunch believer of the fact that we should look upon tribes for a society that is classless and without preformed notions
    at the end of the day what matters the most is a marriage that may not be perfect but pure
    Dowry is what pollutes the beautiful institution called marriage
    thanks a ton
    regards
    Pooja (Bonus0

    ReplyDelete
  4. @Avi- yes avi you are coming back after a long time to my blog but i am glad that the words are of appreciation
    Thank You for writing back
    Regards
    Pooja

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