The great Indian tamasha called "ARRANGED MARRIAGE"

The whole procedure of finding a perfect match for the son/daughter who have attained the so called marriageable age is amusing.Suddenly sprung up a whole new species called"Shadiraam Gharjode" who drop by every Sunday ,suggest some "potential candidates "over heavy breakfast and two rounds of "Adrak waali Chai"  and make your parents guilty of the fact that their daughter is still not married and when this phase ends then starts the real torture-Matrimonial sites :profiles,calls asking "Ladki ka color fair to hoga na,jyada healthy to nahi,koi past wagairah ho to bate de"and ofcourse the compatibility acquires a different parameters; aajkal B.E.+MBA ki demand jyada hai technical match ban jata hai (Give me a break dude ,are you planning to discuss circuits all through your life) .When naadi,gotra,profession,dowry,family status are matched then they come down to taking the opinions of the future bride and groom 

Why does this institution of arranged marriage survive in India in this day and age? the India i am talking about is of educated middle class where the incidence of arranged marriages are not only high but also considered as a legitimate way of finding a mate The answer lies partly in the elasticity of this institutions and indeed most traditional customs that allows it to expand its definition to accommodate modernity so today's arranged marriages places individual's will at center and parents assume a role where their one hand is raised for blessing and other immersed in wallet
the arrangement in arranged is clearly a manufactured one sometimes taking some pseudo forms like a blind date,online meet ups, the reality swayamvar type shows all aim to let one meet a potential spouse Here the idea of love is not so gently manufactured by contriving a spark or overflow of hormones but rather a well planned robbery 
In the west the idea of marriage has a notion that starts when one proposes and the other can withhold it for an indefinite period of time So we have marriage as a mirage that shimmers frequently but materializes rarely but imagine the same ,when venues and the day of Roka has been fixed and even which car is to be given as a gift can a girl think over the proposal?
At a more fundamental level Marriage is only significant relationship that we enter by choice.....(hmm..or maybe we think so) we live in a sticky collective environment where individuality remains blurred when "A young saraswat ,handsome boy earning five figure salary"remains sufficient and of course the space for substitution always persists

In an era where future and security hold more promise than present arranged marriages continue to hold their charm .Whether choked int radition or cloaked with modernity this institution of arranged marriage needs some serious help because sustenance of a long term marriage brings along with it a personal growth

" Wasn't marriage, like life, unstimulating and unprofitable and somewhat empty when too well ordered and protected and guarded? Wasn't it finer, more splendid, more nourishing, when it was, like life itself, a mixture of the sordid and magnificent; of mud and stars; of earth and flowers; of love and hate and laughter and tears and ugliness and beauty and hurt?"

BARFI.....PYAR KE SIKKO SE CHAL BANAYE ASHIYAN

  

Barfi - when words seem so useless ,when eyes do 

the wonder ;they reflect jealousy,love,attraction 

pity,sympathy,hatred, despair,helplessness !it took 

me back to the time when on Saturday evenings I

used to visit Prayas ; A home for mentally challanged 

unwanted kids in bhilai (some newspapers claiming 

that its a motivation behind 'Barfi' as Subrata Bose 

was closely associated with it ) Dealing with some of 

the personal problems in life those two hours at 

prayas gave me solace ! Kids playing,dancing 

,drawing made u forget the "Normal " in your 

existence ! One fine day I was told that a girl named 

khushi was crying n pushing everyone back as she 

attained puberty and was going through a biological process where she needed her mother to explain her the changes ! I tried to explain her but all in vain ,she just kept her head on my lap n cried ,cried ,slept ! Back home I could not sleep ,went to sleep with mom n dad ,I hugged them and thought I was so fortunate to have them in life and then cursed god ,cursed him that if u have not given them the ability to think,to understand then why gave them emotions ,the harmones ,the biological features ,what if they love someone ,how would they express it ! And whoa "Barfi" answered my questions ;the two scenes when Ranbir kapoor is heartbroken and through his hands n eyes says it all(you carry the legacy of Raj Kapoor from jaagte raho man) ,Second when Priyanka Chopra covers him with her hands to say to Ileana that he is mine ,stay away are just picture perfect !watch Barfi for a beautiful locales of drajeeling ,for the kolkata of 70s , for the uncomplicated life when we were not socialy networked ,for a person who does not need some so called abilities to be happy ,for the selfless love without blood relations ,for some of the lovely songs ! Barfi gives us a message that a love which does not end in a happy ending is not a lost one ,for love is above the physical intimacy of "50 shades of grey" its pure like a morning dew .its like falling in love all over again ,"pyaar ke sikkon se chal banyein ashiyaan..................................................sehar"

Have you ever been in love

With someone you can never have?
So close you can touch her hand
Yet, so far to feel her heart?

Have you ever lived in pretense
Quietly loving without any condition?
A feeling of love that's unknown
Hiding it, not knowing for how long.

Have you ever fallen deeply
Loving the person unconditionally?
So afraid to say what you feel
Acting normal, keeping things still.

Have you ever been hurt unintentionally
But put on a smile, pretended to be happy?
Deep inside you're in pain and suffering
But outside you're jolly and laughing.

Why does holding her hand feel so right?
Your heart smiles everytime she's at sight
Hearing her sweet voice makes your day
Hope you can hug her in a special way.

A naked Harry, apolegetic Kristen and Obama's beer -A new face of globalisation

Welcome to this new age of 24*7 news channels and over competitive print media feeding us with news every single day which makes me wonder ,do we really need to know such details?  Indian media has been recognized as sensitive, patriotic and a very influential tool in the sociopolitical sphere since the days of the freedom movement. The father of the Indian nation Mahatma Gandhi initiated his movement with the moral power of active journalism. Today, India with its over a billion population supports nearly 70,000 registered newspapers and over 450 Television channels (including some 24x7 news channels). The Indian media, as a whole, often plays the role of constructive opposition in the Parliament as well as in various Legislative Assemblies of the states.  Journalists are, by and large, honored and accepted as the moral guide in the Indian society. For democratic India, the media continues to be acclaimed as the fourth important pillar after the judiciary, parliament and bureaucratic set-up.

Unfortunately what we are being fed up today is : A prince known for his adventurous tactics  celebrates his birthday in Las Vegas style and for the whole month we had this same news , A celebrity girlfriend issues a public apology to his guy and helloz we even have editorials over it ,White House issues the recipe of beer and why are we going ga-ga over it?

Ok i confess,they are fun to read but then daily? Don't we have bigger issues back home and more humanitarian issues at international level too  - the public money is spent in scams,a dwindling economy ,Unemployment ,A war torn Syria ,Food crisis in Sub Saharan countries

"The one function that TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were.  ~David Brinkley"

"Journalism largely consists in saying "Lord Jones is dead" to people who never knew Lord Jones was alive.  ~G.K. Chesterton" 

Happy Reading ....................Sehar
 

A DAY FOR MARTYRS WITH INDIAN ARMY FANS

 It was one of those days when you feel so non existent and so small before the persons standing before you ,yes it was RUN DELHI RUN "event at India Gate to commemorate Vijay Diwas ,popularly known for kargil war victory .It just happened one fine day that i got a call from Krish,founder of Indian Army Fans that we are planning to celebrate Vijay Diwas .I loved this idea because i always believe "We are what we are because in the toughest terrains of India ,soldiers are protecting our borders ,we are safe today because Kargil war took away sons of many mothers at an early age"
So the planning,meetings,CP gatherings,maps,task division started and the most wonderful thing i noted is that people from all age groups participated only on invite of a facebook page "Indian Army Fans" 
We had a boss ,a kargil war amputee Major DP Singh with a rock solid attitude as a driving force and yes he managed to call some of the most inspiring people as our guests 
Mrs Sudha Singh,M/O Shaheed Major Uday singh SM, SC
Col.V.N.Thapar,F/o Shaheed Captain Vijayant Thapar VC
Prof.S.K.Naiyer,F/O Shaheed Captain Anuj Naiyer,MVC
Deepa Malik,a paraplegic who is a sportsperson 

Navin Gulia ,a Paraplegic with a list of achievements that has no limits
The event started on 22 july at & 7 a.m and we were there by 6,700-800 people registered themselves at the run

we started with wreath laying at amar jawan jyoti ,as i was reading the names ,i slipped the name of Capt.Vijayant Thapar and my mind went empty ,Col.Thapar whispered me "Vijayant " with a smile and i was so embarrassed ,when he came back he said "good show doctor,it happens sometime",a brave and smiling father who lost his son to war at the age of 22
 The felicitation function started among the citations of the brave men and some very inspiring speeches with by everyone and the run was flagged off lead by DP Sir himself the crowd were so excited amid "Vande Matarm"n "Bharat Mata Ki Jai"

the most wonderful thing about run was we had our youngest participant at 5 yrs and the oldest at 83 along with 23 disabled persons and yes a group of runners came all the way running from Gurgaon to India Gate .................Amazing Zeal

we did plantation at pragati maidan with the message of Greener  India 
The 5km run ended at India Gate and we were happy that we did something for the war heroes and people who inspire India
Returning back i touched the feet of Mrs Sudha Singh ,she said girls don't touch feet she hugged me n cried .I had tears in my eyes ,words fell short and i said to her "Shaheed ki maa sabse mahan hoti hain mam"
I apologized to Col.Thapar again and he was so warm n friendly that he said you should come visit the father of Vijayant sometime ,this is your punishment :-)
Taking blessings from Prof Naiyer ,whose fight against corruption is known by all ,when he asked me what i wanted to do IAS he said always be an honest officer beta,it pains to see the condition of a country for which soldiers laid down their lives "he gave me a book duly signed which said "To Doctor whose citation about Anuj brought tears in my eyes after so many years "look at the greatness of a father living alone at the old age ,worried about the country more ,and we can understand from where soldierly values into Capt. Anuj came from.............and then he said i want to be alone ,after all he was a father too

we all have our own experiences that we felt like an Indian as written by Geetika as her status that a mere act of pushing the magnificent lady's chair to Amar Jawan Jyoti made my eyes wet"Two person rightly deserve the credit-Maj D P Singh &KRISH 
ALL THE VOLUNTEERS OF INDIAN ARMY FANS 


-THANK YOU

We murmur daily and complain
Of irritations, minor pain,
And yet we stand, in freedom's gain,
View sacrifices with disdain.

This very day, around the globe,
The faithful stand upon the Hope,
Their bodies marred, their lives laid down
To gain a share of Heaven's crown.

These humble heroes meekly stand
And place their trust in nation's hand;
They count their sorrows wholly blest
To serve a calling o'er the rest.

Although their human lives be spent,
No enemy can circumvent.
With mortar mixed from martyr's blood,
The nation will stand through fire and blood.

You can call him CRAZY ,i call him DADDY

Its Fathers day n yes i received a happy news that i won an online writing competition titled "family memories" n here is my entry:

We are a pets crazy family n yes it runs in our genes (don't count my mom though ,she is a complete no no when it comes to pets) .This memory goes back to two incidents n so different in time scales .It so happened that it was raining for continuously two days n the roads,canals, everything was flooded,no electricity (the time when there was no facebook ,so it didn't matter much ) .We were trying to float our "very bad in shape" paper boats to the canal that flowed at the back of our home n suddenly we saw three little kittens who were born just two days back clinging to a wooden piece which was just on the verge of floating with the stream and a cat,their mother trying to enter into water to save them but the strong water flow pushing her back,As is every child's habit ,we ran to Daddy as we always believe at that age he has the solution to every problem in the world n told him about the plight of kittens He came with us and after a brief thought ,he entered into water n let me tell u it was not a fresh water canal ,it was the main canal that took the waste water away from the town ,embedded in water till his stomach,he picked up them n brought home ,washed them with damp cloth and fed them milk with a small spoon,the cat looked at him adoringly ,so did we n mummy with anger ,as always obsessed with cleanliness she was instructing dad toclean himself,take a bath n then enter the house........till date neither has mum changed nor my dad

*Next incident of my crazy dad goes to the time when we lost our sweetheart puppy Tipsy.Tipsy was a pet dog ,she was THE MOST IMPORTANT member of my family (n yes this time my maa also loved her)she fell ill n refused to eat anything ,even when we tried feeding her chicken (okk,its a big thing in a brahmin family but for tipsy to eat ,we could have done anything ) ,even the veterinary doctors refused to do any miracle n those days our diner table was silentn only conversation we used to have was of cursing the veterinary science (not the doctor because he happens to be my uncle) n one sad day after coming from her veterinary visit,she was no more ,we were crying,i took her in my laps n sat for hours n in the afternoon my dad came from clinic n when he entered home,he could make out that tipsy was no more he took her in his lap n looked at her with absolutely expressionless eyes .It was decided that tipsy would be buried in my brother's factory area so that wild dogs won't dig her up n eat her body ,we went ,the labourers dig up a big hole ,tipsy was gently pushed inside and the worker started to pour mud over her body and suddenly my daddy who was silent all this time,screamed "Don't pour mud over her face ,it would hurt her eyes" n yes he cried ,cried like a little baby who was lost in a crowd ,completely unaware of people around watching that its the same Dr Saheb whom we look up to always is crying .Next day our maid came to work and she said to me ,"In the slum colony,the talk of the day was ,how Dr Saheb was crying "
that is why i said YOU CAN CALL HIM CRAZY I CALL HIM DADDY

There you are standing as tall as an oak tree when I am small

You stand over me guarding my actions and catch me when I fall
.
When I reach the teens you are there
giving me your knowledge and wit

and although the times get tougher as i grow you never ever quit.

as I reach adulthood I start to do things on my own

wondering how you did it from the time I was born until I was grown.

Then I remember all you have done for me throughout the years

Remembering you were there for me through the happy times and the tears
.
I am happy you are my Dad

It makes my heart feel merry and glad.

no other person could ever take your place

And i realize this as i look into your face
.
This Fathers Day I want to honor you

For all the wonderful things that you do
.

Sunday lunch with "SATYAMEV JAYATE"

Satyamev Jayate is the new talk of town,comes an episode and we start tweeting,sharing,updating status n suddenly for the whole nation Aamir khan is the hot topic of Sunday and why not he has come out with a brilliant show with issues that need to be raised,a time slot and choice of channel that is planned smartly,marketing that has struck a cord with the common man,a celebrity to whom we listen 'coz he is always associated with some kind of cause and last but certainly not the least added with some heart touching songs.But before starting our Sunday lunch just sit back n think -has he brought out a genie from the bottle ,has he told us something that we never knew. Of course not he has just showed us a mirror which has got a thick layer of dust called "India-The next big superpower"

We have our sunday special lunch with biryani and a dessert and we discuss"How cruel of that educated family to torture the daughter in law for a girl child",'OMG is this the condion over rajasthan n haryana" and in the evening we get a call from a relative  informing that some xyz's daughter in law has delivered a second girl child n we have a pity in our voice saying"Doosra ladka ho jata to achha hota ,parivaar complete ho jata chalo jo bhagwaan ki marzi" and with this mentality we come to a point of no return .I have worked in some interior villages of Rajasthan n let me tell you the situation is gruesome and i feared visiting those places just because i am a girl

We discuss how shameful it is to accept dowry n go gaga over that girl "rani" and her courage ,the big fat theories of self respect ,how 30000 girls in Punjab are dowry victims but hey are we really enlightened ,forget the seniors i know a friend of mine who is well educated and her hubby who is far better educated ,abusing her verbally n physically because she didn't bring the required quantity of gold and a call from a friend proudly declaring the huge amount he is getting as a dowry ,and when i asked the basis,he replied he is son of a MLA 

So its good to get "moved on" but worse if we "move on"the next day "Be the change you wish to see"and contribute your bit in eradicating these social evils and not only add a sweet dish to your Sunday lunch ,add sweetness to the society u live in

ending this post with a lovely song on the same show which is a message in itself............Kudos to Satyamev Jayate................Sehar

HO "SITA" JAISI NARI WITH ADDED DEGREEDHARI

With due respect to the overtly active Indian Judiciary these days,just wanna ask Bombay high court judge what did he actually mean when he said "Sita followed Ram,why can't you?"
In reference to a case where husband filed a divorce case of his marriage of 11 long years when his wife refused to relocate to port blair with him and the judge said"A wife should be like Sita who went to forest along with her husband for 14 years"


Dear HC judge- i respect your authority but why are you being so judgmental?and you don't have any such "out of the world"advice for the "poor" husband?just go through any matrimonial pages and one common line u can find is "only professionals " or else "Need a convent educated,preferably doctor/CA/MBA ,fair complexioned............" and when you think you can't wind up your career all of a sudden and still carry on with your marriage successfully u get to hear words like this. i wonder what advice does the judge have for Army officer's wife or else IAS officers?????? 


A JOURNEY IS LIKE A MARRIAGE,THE MOST CERTAIN WAY TO BE WRONG IS TO THINK YOU CAN CONTROL IT"


Now that means that the next time  a husband abandons his wife  court may justify his action saying"Ram abandoned Sita,why can't he" and better for all of us that i don't carry my imaginations to "Draupadi"further.
as Mignon Mclaughlin once said"If you made a list of reasons why a couple got married and in the end why they got divorced ,man you would get a hell lot of overlapping"
Cheers to the lovely marriages n silly judgements(its all we can do other than to blog) ,well depicted by the ace cartoonist Satish Acharya